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5 Basic Rules of Social Etiquette

5 Basic Rules of Social Etiquette
1) ALWAYS burp in the ear of the person sitting next to you
2) Order juice, bit really hard on the straw and leave saliva covered all over it
3) Empty the liquid in your wine glass, wet your finger, and run your finger in circles around the rim of the glass (this makes a really cool sound, plus it annoys people too)
4) ALWAYS stuff an entire chicken wing in your mouth, and spit out the bones very obviously
5) ALWAYS use your fork to dig your ear

6 Ways To Annoy The Public

6 Ways To Annoy The Public
1) Hog the hand-dryer/hair-dryer in the toilet by blowing it at your face and pretending to be a rock star
2) Stand in the lift singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' non-stop
3) Spin around with your arms flung out in the middle of a walkway/pavement
4) Stand in the middle of nowhere in a shopping mall, saying 'Beep' randomly
5) Step on any passer-by's foot when they pass by you
6) When in the toilet, lock the cubicle you are in, climb into another vacant one and lock it too, etc

11 Rules To Follow In A Posh, Expensive Restaurant

11 Rules To Follow In A Posh, Expensive Restaurant
1) Ask the waiter for a hot dog
2) See how long you can hold your finger over the candlelight
3) Use your napkin as a neckerchief and pretend to be a cowboy
4) Make music with your cutlery
5) Ask the chef if the foie de gras comes with french fries
6) Order soup and slurp it up really noisily
7) Lick your plate/bowl when you're done eating
8) Fold the bill into a paper airplane
9) Swing from the chandelier
10) If the waiter can't see you raising your hand, stand on your chair and shout for him
11) Use your bread as spitballs

4 Reasons Why Eating A Rotten Potato Is Better Than Doing Well In Your Exams

4 Reasons Why Eating A Rotten Potato Is Better Than Doing Well In Your Exams
1) The potato goes inside you but the results do not
2) You'll be more famous for eating the rotten potato than doing well in your exams
3) Potatoes contain lots of carbohydrates (which are good for you!) but results do not
4) Potatoes are GENERALLY healthy and good for your body, results are not
Post your views and comments!! (I don't think you're convinced this time (: )

6 Ways To Attract A LOT Of Attention On A Street

6 Ways To Attract A LOT Of Attention On A Street
1) SCREAM!!!!
2) Stare up at the sky and point
3) If you're a girl, wear a 'bigini top' with 'jins' (in case you just crawled out from under a rock and you don't get it, search 'Ris Low' on the net and you'll get it. FOR SURE)
4) Fling yourself at a random stranger, shouting, "How could you! How dare you do that?"
5) Fall down onto the ground all of a sudden
6) Yell, 'You'll never stop me now!" and laugh manically while dashing across the street

7 Steps To Show That You Are Really Tough

7 Steps To Show That You Are Really Tough

1) Dye your hair bright red with yellow streaks

2) Bite the heads of your sister's dolls

3) Crush your handphone into bits with your fist

4) Punch every lamppost you see

5) Pierce one ear 

6) Replace some of your teeth with gold ones

7) Get your mum to tell everyone

6 Steps To Discipline Your Disobedient Toaster

6 Steps To Discipline Your Disobedient Toaster

1) Smack firmly with both hands

2) Place in corner of kitchen cupboard for a timeout of 10 minutes

3) If disobedience continues, repeat Steps 1 & 2

4) If disobedience STILL continues, threaten to throw it away

5) If Steps 1, 2, 3 & 4 ALL failed, just throw it away and buy a new one

6) Repeat all steps if disobedience occurs in new toaster

7 Steps To Fix Your iPod

7 Steps To Fix Your iPod

1) Use a hammer to whack the iPod into tiny bits

2) Put pieces in a big bowl

3) Fill up the bowl with detergent and tap water

4) Use an expensive tennis racket to stir the mixture

5) Put the bowl in the microwave at 100 degrees Celsius for 5 minutes

6) Leave the bowl in the freezer for 24 hours

7) Take out pieces and glue them back together with craft glue

Your iPod will be working perfectly and will look brand new!

6 Ways To Tell If Your Hamster Is Planning To Assassinate The Prime Minister

6 Ways To Tell If Your Hamster Is Planning To Assassinate The Prime Minister
1) If your hamster bites the cage bars, it is actually practicing for when it bites the PM
2) If the TV is on with the PM making a speech, and your hamster starts squeaking, it is squeaking threats at him
3) If your hamster puts food in its pouches, it is storing food for the journey when it escapes to assassinate the PM
4) If your hamster is grooming, it is actually making itself up for the press conferences and newspaper photos when its crime is revealed
5) If your hamster escapes from its cage but you manage to get it back, it is actually a failed attempt at escaping to assassinate the PM
6) If your hamster hardly drinks water, it is training itself to bear with thirst during its journey to assassinate the PM 
Convinced? Post your views and comments! 

4 Reasons Why Ice-Cream Is Better Than Winning The Lottery

4 Reasons Why Ice-Cream Is Better Than Winning The Lottery
1) You'll have to waste your money installing CCTV cameras in your house to protect your lottery money, but ice-cream requires no such protection
2) Winning the lottery requires luck, buying ice-cream does not
3) You will probably only win the lottery once, but you can eat ice-cream again and again (well, at least until you run out of money)
4) Ice-cream tastes yummy, money does not
Convinced? Post your views and comments!

10 Good Reasons To Be Mauled By A Bear

10 Good Reasons To Be Mauled By A Bear

1) Your scars might start a fad

2) If you don't survive, you might me glorified as a life-sacrificing hero

3) No pain, no gain (you never know what good might come out of it)

4) You'll be famous in both the bear and human world

5) You can boast to people about your 'wilderness' experience

6) If you survive, you might me glorified as that brave person who survived the bear attack

7) If you don't survive, you will never have to bear those torturous MATH/science/whatever lessons again!

8) You'll get to be up close and in contact with a real live bear (very few people have done that!)

9) Your story of survival and healing might be turned into a book and movie (=$$)

10) You might start a new TV show- WRESTLE MAUL MANIA

Convinced? Post your views and comments!

5 Reasons Why You SHOULDN'T Read The Encyclopedia

5 Reasons Why You SHOULDN'T Read The Encyclopedia:
1) While carrying it you might drop it on your foot and break a bone
2) Producing a book like that requires a lot of paper, and aren't people nowadays hung up about saving trees? 
3) You will fill your head with disturbing knowledge. Trust me. Ignorance is bliss.
4) You will waste your precious time reading such a long book. You could have spent that time on Facebook or something.
5) Why waste your brain space with useless and stupid facts? 
Convinced? Post your views and comments!

The Alien Has Arrived

BEWARE OF THE DOG BLOG

Contains:

-offensive content

-weird & stupid humor

-nutty posts

Don't say I didn't warn you!